Broken up, again

This heart's already been broken. Broken up, broken in. We single ladies like to imagine ourselves as wild horses, as fast and carefree as what I imagine the wind is like on the prairie planes. At least, John Wayne's fine figure and whip-around hair seemed to show off wild winds like that. No, it's just loneliness that I feel right now. There's no more "Andri and ...". No texts or missed calls on the phone. I'm not waiting to get away from home with anyone. It's just me, sitting here, wondering if tonight will be any different from any other night. TV. Aimless driving trying to figure out something to do. Yeah, they're all the same. This takes me back to middle school, actually. I'm now living in the same room I had back then, and I can remember all those nights I imagined what it would be like to have friends. I fantasized about boyfriends, though my imagination couldn't stretch far enough to see that kind of thing happening. It's the same solitary one-ness that I have right now as I had back then. By now I should have made myself a fortress of some kind of friendship, something impervious to changing boyfriends. I should have been kinder, and wiser, to all the people who tried loving me and just ended up rejected. This childhood hell I'm living in right now, maybe I deserve it. I just don't know where to go from here. I can't see a pathway back up, but I guess I'll just have to force my way. Throw up some ropes, dig out some stairways, something. There's always a way, right? I just need some time.

I just need some whiskey.

At War with Nature

Thoughts from last night. Rough, but hopefully logical enough.

Darwin revolutionized human self-awareness when he said all beings existing here on Earth survived because of a perfection attained through evolution, natural selection. If a species were alive and thriving, it was because its specific genetic combination matched its environment. Humans, too, had undergone evolution like this. From monkeys we learned to walk upright, craft tools, and become the super species we are today.

Yet we humans are different. We build cities, make art, ignite industry; everything we do stands on a tall stack of technological advancement. What made us so different? Many scientific studies show us humans as having a good intellect, to be sure, but one that doesn't necessarily surpass that of other animals. Some of them have been said to have even greater intelligences, like the dolphin. Self awareness, perhaps, has allowed us to become so great. However recent findings have shown other animals to exhibit similar behavior--an elephant can paint his own portrait, for example; even use his imagination to put a flower in his trunk. So what makes us so different? What part of the evolutionary process led us to create cities and launch off the planet? Taking imagination into account, there is no bounds to the human experience.

Consider for a second the imperfection of the human race, at least biologically. If Darwin says that each species thrives because all genetic mutations that were unideal for survival led to that species' extinction, then why must so many of us wear glasses? Surely a caveman who couldn't see his prey in the hunt would have eventually starved to death, or even become the prey himself. If natural selection were in effect, the genetic mutations that results in blurry vision would have been annihilated long before humans even began harvesting wheat. Consider also our hairless form. In winter we clothe ourselves in heavy jackets and still suffer from sickness; in summer we wear clothing as skimpily as possible and douse ourselves with ice, water, and juices. No other animal does this. They can grow a thicker fur and burrow in the snow, or fly south for the winter, or go into hibernation. For humans there is no biological mechanism to withstand the extremes of winter. Even with our clothing and housing, humans are just barely capable of withstanding all the Earthly seasons. If the human form existed before sweaters, as it must have, then how did we survive?

If humanity defies the laws of evolution and natural selection, then how have we survived? Even thrived so much so that our current crises most relate to annihilating other species and polluting nature. Why are we so dangerously different from everything else on Earth?

The answer is the question.

Why have so survived if we are so different, and so naturally unequipped to deal with our environment? We are unequipped to survive nature, so we create our own. We are different because we modified; we created an artificial nature. The human form was unable to naturally cope with the extremes of winter, so before our extinction we were able to craft clothing to keep us warm. To craft the clothing, we had to make tools, extract wools and furs from the animals we hunted. We had to teach each other, and learn. We had to make a system of writing to pass down this knowledge that went far beyond our instincts. With our houses we made our own environment in which we could live comfortably. We made roads to guide us from one establishment to another, to connect us to the rest of us. We made cities to fortify against natural disaster and created economic systems through which we could support ourselves even in drought or flood. And technology is our communication. As complex and fantastic it is, at its core technology is our means of talking to one another, of sharing and learning. If our fragile bodies someday succumb to overwhelming natural disaster, technology will be able to withstand everything and perhaps serve as a testament to our existence.

We live because we defy evolution. We were too fragile to survive on our own, but instead of waiting for evolution to take over, we created our own nature. We altered our bodies, we created concrete jungles and asphalt rivers. We outsmarted evolution. Now we are at risk of completely overtaking nature with our own artificial brand. Either the Earth must change, or we must.